There are countless (Jerry) “Seinfeld” quandaries that I share with a good friend on Buchanan Road, who relishes the syndicated episodes as much as I do. That television series became famous because it concentrated on the irksome little things that characterize life. Unlike previous sitcoms that focused on get-rich schemes, “Seinfeld” depicted the little things in life.

All of the increased financial stress of the modern day has led me to collect scraps of paper from my go-to pharmacy. When I enter the store, I enter my phone number and receive a long trail of paper containing at least half dozen discounts on various products with hasty expiration dates. Upon purchasing items, I am handed a lengthy receipt that contains even more discounts, which like the first I received upon entering the store must be turned over to the cashier for me to benefit financially. Some are like “4 dollars off an $18 purchase of vitamin,” others are “$1 off next purchase,” others are “30% off one full-priced item,” others are “30% off of total purchase of full-priced items,” – the expiration dates are less than a week away – but the best one is like “$5.00 off next purchase,” good for a month or so.

Keeping track of all these coupons is no easy task. With all these scraps of paper mixed with my dollar bills of varying denominations and several credit cards, driver’s license, library card, AAA card, etc., my wallet is getting thicker and thicker, not unlike that of Jerry’s pal, George Constanza, so thick that it’s even a bit tough to sit on.

Yes, all this was the basis of a subplot in a Seinfeld episode, but unlike George, I have no hard candy stored in my wallet.

Speaking of discounts, another one comes to mind but it is paperless: one must have a certain degree of dexterity with a Smart phone to access and benefit from the coupons. At one time I used to go to the grocery store with a list of items to be purchased, accompanied by the store’s weekly circular. Now the store where I regularly shop – the produce there is spectacular – will give larger discounts only if the select items are electronically “clipped” by a Smart cell phone. Trust me, we old people are not into such doings, especially if the software is finicky: if there is a limit of 4 such items – say, blueberries – you can’t come back later in the week to claim the other 3 packages at the advertised discount.

Ah – for the good old days of easy-to-negotiate Liggett Drugstores as well as the First National and A&P grocery stores.

Advertisement